At a news conference, a journalist said to the politician running for the presidency, "Your secretary said publicly that you have a small penis. Would you please comment on this." "The truth is," replied Donald Trump, "That she has a big mouth."
Donald Trump is visiting an elementary school one day. In one of the classes, they’re in the middle of a discussion about words and their meanings. The teacher asks Trump if he’d like to lead the discussion of the word “tragedy.” He agrees to do so and asks the class for an example of a tragedy. One little boy stands up and says, “If my best friend who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and runs him over and kills him, that would be a tragedy.” “No,” says Trump, “That would be an accident.” Next a little girl raises her hand and says, “If a school bus carrying forty children went off a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.” “No, I’m afraid not,” says Trump. “That’s what we would call a great loss.” The room goes silent for a while as no other children volunteer. Trump looks around the room and says a little testily, “Isn’t there anyone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?” At last, a little boy at the back of the class raises his hand and says, “If a private jet carrying you, Mr Trump, was struck by a missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy.” “Fantastic!” shouts Mr Trump, “That’s exactly right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?” “Well,” says the boy, “Because it sure as hell wouldn’t be a great loss and it probably wouldn’t be an accident either.”
During a World Economic Summit, Barack Obama, Mexican President Enrique Pena Nieto, Russian President Vladimir Putin, and French President Francois Hollande are ceremonially riding in Japan's newest bullet train. Barack Obama says "This is a fine bottle of wine Francois". Upon hearing this President Francois Hollande throws out a case of France's finest wine and says "In France fine wine is bountiful and plenty!" Vladimir Putin throws out two cases of Russia's finest Vodka and says "In Russia premier vodka spirits flow like the Volga River." Not to be outdone President Obama not wanting to seem weak, thinks for a moment, looks at Mexican president Enrique Pena Nieto, and throws him out the window.
Three boys were out hiking one winter day, and heard cries for help coming from the lake. Rushing to see what was the matter, they found Barack Obama who had fallen through some thin ice on a lake and was about to drown. Quickly the boys formed a human chain and pulled him to safety. "I'd like to reward you boys with something special for saving me", said Obama. "Just name it, and it's yours!" "I want a ride on Air Force One", said the first boy. "You've got it!", said Obama. "I want a medal that I can show the other kids at school", said the second boy. "No problem!", said Obama. The third boy thought for a moment, and said "I want a wheelchair". "But why would you want that?", asked Obama. "'Cause when I get home and tell my dad that I saved YOU he's gonna break my effin' legs!".
Barack Obama and Joe Biden are on a plane. Suddenly Joe Biden says I can throw 100 dollars out of this plane and make 100 people happy. Barack says I can throw 1000 dollars out of the plane and make 1000 people happy. The pilot over heard this and said, "I can throw both of you out of this plane and make the whole country happy."